Speak with Impact: The Secret to Gaining Respect and Confidence
How you speak can shape perceptions in both your professional and personal life. It can determine whether you are taken seriously in a business meeting or truly listened to in day-to-day conversations. Speak with Impact by mastering the art of assertive and powerful communication – a vital skill for commanding respect and projecting confidence. But how can you find the right balance between strength and politeness without appearing overly forceful? Communication expert Bruce Lambert provides thought-provoking insights on achieving this balance, particularly through his exploration of power, politeness, and assertiveness in communication.
If you’ve been seeking a way to refine your communication style and truly make an impact, read on for practical tips on how to cultivate assertive speech, build respect, and boost confidence.
The Paradox of Power and Politeness
One of the key insights shared by Bruce Lambert is understanding the paradoxical relationship between power and politeness. Simply put, the more powerful an individual is compared to their listener, the less politeness they need to employ in their speech. Why? Because excessive politeness often signals submission or respect, and—depending on the context—can make the speaker appear less assertive.
For instance, consider cultural expressions of politeness like bowing in Japan. While Western cultures might not bow, language is often used in much the same way to convey politeness. Polite phrases such as “Would you mind if…?”, “Could I please…?”, or even an overuse of “thank you” can create an impression that the speaker lacks authority or confidence. This can be especially counterproductive in professional or influential situations.
A striking example Lambert highlights involves pharmacists addressing physicians. Despite their expertise, pharmacists often hesitate to directly recommend drug alternatives to physicians when errors are identified. Instead of decisively correcting the issue, they use indirect language such as, “Would you consider trying this instead?” This deferential style of communication, akin to “verbally bowing,” inadvertently undermines the pharmacist’s expertise and authority. It’s a reminder that excessive politeness can weaken the impact of your words.
Why Directness is the Cornerstone of Assertiveness
To gain respect and confidence when you speak, directness is essential. Lambert emphasises that speaking with clarity and precision shows confidence and mitigates any perception of insecurity. This doesn’t mean you should be rude or dismissive, but cutting out unnecessary verbal fluff can significantly improve the potency of your communication.
Directness also means avoiding words and phrases that undermine your message, such as “maybe,” “I think,” or “I’m sorry” (if an apology is unwarranted). By removing these hesitations, your speech becomes more assertive and commands attention.
Why does this work? Direct speech signals to others that you are secure in your position and decisions. It conveys the sentient non-verbal message that you don’t need to sugarcoat your words or seek unnecessary validation.
When Caution Is Necessary
Directness is powerful, but it’s also nuanced. Lambert notes that when addressing an individual who holds clear authority over you (e.g., a superior in a corporate setting), a degree of politeness and deference is still required. The key lies in striking the right balance—being assertive without crossing the line into perceived disrespect.
Practical Tips to Start Speaking with Power and Impact
Refining your communication skills doesn’t happen overnight, but there are actionable steps you can start implementing today. Follow these strategies to begin speaking assertively and with impact:
1. Be Concise
Keep your words economical. Eliminate unnecessary tangents and focus on delivering your core message. People respect clarity in communication, and concise speech demonstrates that you value both your time and theirs.
2. Cut Out Hesitation and Hedging
Hesitation markers such as “I think,” “maybe,” or “perhaps” can dilute your message. Replace them with definitive statements. For example:
- Replace “I think this idea could work” with “This idea will work.”
- Replace “Maybe we should try this” with “We should try this.”
3. Avoid Over-apologising
Constantly saying “sorry” can diminish the strength of your words and make you seem unsure of yourself. Only apologise when absolutely necessary, and make your apology succinct and direct.
4. Stay Calm and Confident
Confidence isn’t just about your words—it’s also about your delivery. Maintain a steady tone, make eye contact, and use purposeful gestures to reinforce your message. Think about how impactful body language can either enhance or detract from what you’re saying.
5. Use Intentional Pauses
Pausing at the right moments can draw attention to your most critical points. Instead of rushing through your statements, short pauses allow listeners time to process what you’ve said, which can make your message more impactful.
The Psychology of Speech and Respect
The connection between the psychology of power and communication dynamics cannot be ignored. When you choose to speak with directness and authority, you subtly play into social and psychological constructs that associate strong verbal cues with respect and influence.
This is particularly important in professional scenarios. Whether you’re pitching an idea in a boardroom, presenting a project, or addressing a team, sounding confident can leave a lasting impression on your audience. Directness balances respect with authority, ensuring your voice is both heard and valued.
Why Balancing Politeness Still Matters
While assertive speech involves reducing politeness, this doesn’t mean abandoning it entirely. Respect is fundamental in any meaningful interaction. Assertiveness without respect can come across as abrasive, which could damage relationships or hinder collaboration. The key is discernment—knowing when to prioritise politeness and when to double down on directness.
Consider this rule of thumb from Lambert’s teachings:
- Use politeness as a tool for building rapport when speaking to someone in a clear position of authority.
- Use directness when you need to establish your position, share insights, or ensure your thoughts carry maximum weight.
How to Practise Speaking Powerfully
They say practice makes perfect, and this rings especially true for communication. Don’t wait for high-stakes moments like job interviews or presentations to practise the art of assertiveness. Instead, find small, everyday opportunities to implement change:
- Role-play scenarios with friends or colleagues to refine your directness.
- Record yourself speaking and evaluate how clear and authoritative you sound.
- Read aloud effectively-written speeches or books to train your mind in striking the ideal tone.
Transform Your Words, Transform Perceptions
Speaking powerfully and assertively doesn’t just transform how others perceive you; it transforms how you perceive yourself. By eliminating unnecessary politeness, projecting confidence with body language, and communicating your message with precision, you’ll stand out as someone who commands respect in any room.
Next time you find yourself in a conversation or meeting, challenge yourself to:
- Cut out filler words.
- Deliver your points with crisp clarity.
- Pair powerful speech with confident non-verbals.
The results—subconscious or deliberate—will prove eye-opening. Remember, it’s not about being forceful; it’s about speaking authentically, with conviction and purpose.
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